Conflict

What is it?

How do we characterize leaders who deal with conflict? Do you think people who don’t shy away as conflict disagreeable. And do you think agreeable people are kind and polite?

I don’t think there’s a relationship between conflict and agreeability. Whatever your character is and your psychometrics are, dealing with conflict as a leader is inevitable.

Here are some examples: 

  1. competing for attention, such as when resources are limited or when there are conflicting demands from stakeholders.

  2. Interpersonal conflicts: Leaders may face conflicts when there are tensions or disagreements between team members or with external stakeholders, such as customers or suppliers.

  3. Ethical conflicts: Leaders may face conflicts when ethical principles or values clash with business objectives or practices, such as when decisions need to be made that could impact the well-being of stakeholders or the environment.

  4. Time conflicts: Leaders may face conflicts when they need to balance multiple tasks or responsibilities within limited time frames, which can lead to stress and difficult trade-offs.

  5. Resource conflicts: Leaders may face conflicts when there are limited resources available, such as when budgets are tight or when teams are understaffed.

  6. Change conflicts: Leaders may face conflicts when changes need to be made to organizational structures, processes, or systems, which can lead to resistance from stakeholders who are affected by the changes.

How might you develop it?

With a client from the past in mind, good goals for developing our ability to manage conflict might be:

  • Resolve a current conflict practicing your ability

  • Become more aware of what in conflict is an opportunity

  • Develop your openness and flexibility to handle conflict in a way that is productive and that you are proud of

  1. Develop self-awareness: Understanding your own emotions and triggers can help you to manage your reactions during conflict. Take time to reflect on your emotional responses to conflict and develop strategies for managing them.

  2. Practice active listening: Listening actively and empathetically to the other party can help to de-escalate the conflict and build rapport. Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and understand their perspective.

  3. Focus on interests, not positions: Rather than focusing on what each party wants, try to identify the underlying interests that are driving the conflict. This can help to find solutions that meet both parties' needs.

  4. Remain calm and composed: It can be challenging to stay calm during conflict, but doing so can help to diffuse the situation and keep emotions from escalating. Take deep breaths, pause and think before responding, and maintain a neutral tone of voice.

  5. Use "I" statements: When expressing your own needs or concerns, use "I" statements rather than "you" statements, which can come across as accusatory or confrontational. For example, say "I feel upset when..." instead of "You always do this...".

  6. Seek out training or coaching: There are many courses, workshops, and coaching services available that can help you to improve your conflict resolution skills. Consider investing in one of these options to enhance your abilities.

Developing our skill to handle conflict, starts with self – awareness and a will to develop, that we turn into practice. If we become adept at handling conflict we reduce our own stress and in the process of doing this, reduce the stress of others, and be seen to have courage to act with integrity and positive intention where there is disagreement or lack of clarity. This actually is something that could be agreeable to us and others.

Key References and Research on Conflict in Leadership

  1. Books:

    • "Crucial Conversations" by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler: A must-read on how to handle high-stakes conversations, which often arise from conflict. This book provides strategies for resolving conflicts without damaging relationships.

    • "The Five Dysfunctions of a Team" by Patrick Lencioni: Explores how conflict (especially productive conflict) is necessary for high-performing teams, and provides a model for leaders to foster trust and manage conflict effectively.

    • "Conflict Resolution for Leaders" by Daniel Dana: Focuses on practical conflict resolution strategies for leaders in all types of organizational environments.

    • "Leadership and Conflict Resolution" by Peter T. Coleman: This book looks at how leaders can navigate the complexities of conflict in ways that promote organizational effectiveness and harmony.

  2. Research:

    • Harvard Business Review (HBR): Articles like "How to Handle Conflict in Your Team" and "The Right Way to Resolve Conflict" offer insights into how leaders can address conflict constructively and turn it into a tool for team development.

    • Center for Creative Leadership (CCL): Research on leadership styles and how different approaches to conflict impact team dynamics and organizational culture.

    • The University of California, Berkeley: Research on emotional intelligence and its role in conflict resolution, highlighting how leaders can use EI to defuse tensions and mediate effectively.

    • McKinsey & Company: Studies on organizational culture and conflict, focusing on the role of conflict in driving innovation and organizational change when managed well.

  3. Publications:

    • Harvard Business Review: Articles like "How to Turn Conflict into Collaboration" and "Managing Conflict in Teams" provide frameworks for handling disagreements constructively.

    • Forbes: Insights on conflict resolution strategies for leaders, discussing techniques to approach difficult conversations and create an environment of trust.

    • Inc. Magazine: Articles focusing on practical tips for leaders to manage conflict within their teams and improve overall team dynamics.

  4. Podcasts:

    • "WorkLife with Adam Grant": Includes episodes on how conflict can be harnessed as a tool for learning and growth, especially in high-performing teams.

    • "The Tim Ferriss Show": Features leaders who discuss how they manage conflict and resolve disagreements within their teams, offering actionable insights for listeners.

    • "Coaching for Leaders" by Dave Stachowiak: Offers episodes on managing conflict, including how leaders can mediate and resolve disputes without damaging relationships or team morale.

    • "The Leadership Podcast" by Jim and Janice: Discusses how leaders can create environments where healthy conflict thrives, fostering innovation and better team dynamics.